oh my

I haven't updated this blog in forever and am now doing to fill out some dumb survey thing and waste time. I have a really bad tooth ache/pain. Have you had one before? Isn't it the worse pain in the world. It makes my whole right side of my head hurt! I can't even sleep on that side without it hurting. It is horrible and I'm dumb for not running to the closest dentist, this I know. So that time wasting survey I promised...

Are you afraid to answer sexual questions? No.

Are you a couple with the last person you kissed on the lips? Define couple? I talk to them often and lurve them...

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? dress work pants and a hoodie

Are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you? n/a

How many people have you had strong romantic feelings for this year? One

Have you ever walked on the beach at night? Yes, it's usually cold.

Do you believe what goes around comes around? most of the time. "God don't like ugly"

What's your recent drama? between me and my teeth.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Some days.

Where were your hands last night at 11p.m? Under my blankets sleeping with me.

Do you read magazines, or just look at the pictures? Read.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms? Yes.

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you? Elma or SK.

What was the last thing you licked? My tooth, maybe my tongue has magic healing powers....

Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars? Probably.

Last time you laughed? Like twenty minutes ago when Dawn told me her son (the same age as me) ate a non-edible Christmas ornament we made in school!

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap? Yeah.

Is it possible to be single and happy? Ha, definitely, sometimes you can be much happier single!

Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up? No, just sick.

Who was the last person to do a favor for you? Sarah, she does to many favors for me and I feel bad.

What are you doing tomorrow? Working, making some phone class, hopefully enjoying a two hour delay!

Who was the last person to make you mad? Really mad? Someone at work...

What's your middle name? Marie.

Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad? Mom, easy when your dad's an ass.

Where were you 12 hours ago? eating breakfast with my kiddos.

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward? Nope.

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? black dress pants and a shirt.

What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Any of the children ones.

Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? No, but I know someone who used to, I assume that counts.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a B? yes, actually.

Have you ever passed out from drinking too much? No.

Have you ever been mooned? Yes.

What animal do you wish you could turn into whenever you wanted? Sparrow.

What color are your socks? Invisible.

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes.

Do you shave? It'd be kinda gross if I didn't.

You currently have to? Register for classes, pee, take pills.

What was the reason behind the last time you cried? Pain, emotions.

Are you shy? Usually.

What did you do yesterday? Sunday school. Church. Ate lunch. Nap in closet. bummed around. wrote xmas cards. wrapped gifts. watched Amazing Race. Bed.

oh fall

I kinda feel like I might have gone a little bit insane this past week. A lot has been going on and it's been emotionally draining and just makes me a little crazy, I won't lie. I have been putting off this paper like I'll get a disease if I actually finish it...

Also, it's fall and I love to bake. But I'm not baking, so sad I know, pity party for me. And I need some more snuggling in my life :) Fall is cold y'all!


Okay, I need some tea, so I don't know why I even started this blog in the first place. to the tea mobile!

my bad attitude

Sometimes when I'm in a certain situation or bad mood, I often am like, "ok God this fulfills a purpose in my life because...." True, if you know me it is no surprise I get some 'tude every now and again. This became quite apparent to me the other night when reading through my prayer journal. I wrote, "God help me with these cats and your need to have them pee all over my apartment." Hah...if I only knew they'd start puking every other day, I would have stuck with the once a week pee from Mose.

So today on my way to work, I was walking to the card hands full, in a rush, as usually, and SMACK. Fell literally face forward unto the ground....banged up a lot of things and managed to hurt my shoulder in the process. Thank God no one was there to witness it, well at least God spared me from seeing anyone watching me.

Work has been pretty good. Grad school has been okay, lacking motivation big time, but it'll come back I'm sure. I feel like lately I've been fixated on taking a vacation or just a break...ha. Friday is a skating party and we don't even have school the next Monday or Tuesday, so I am kinda getting a break anyways. oh well, I'll save those special sick days for beautiful spring days where I can lounge on the balcony reading a silly chick lit book. awww can't wait. Or maybe I can call in sick for tomorrow, I am in serious in pain. Well I should get back to my annoying paper and then sleep. At least I've been making myself get good sleep this week, so I've been awake and getting a ton done at work. :D...at home not so much

beautiful

The OBX was beautiful....not as beautiful as peace. I'm getting closer and closer to having peace through God's help and that is just beautiful.

I kinda feel like if I can get through this weekend without crying, I can pretty much do anything in the entire world!

It's almost October

oh my gosh! It's Thursday! So I should mention how much I love my best friend and how blessed I feel that she is my best friend even when we yell at each other and make each other cry. It's all worth it and I wouldn't change a thing. Well except make us really rich so we could travel the world and do nothing else.

How has almost 3 weeks of school gone by? Someone please tell me, cos I'm confused. Things have been going pretty good at school and it's nice to be back into a rhythm. Grad school has kinda been kicking my butt, only because I have been pretty lazy about it, so it is only my own fault and mine alone.

So lately I've just been repeating to myself, arise and go, arise and go, arise and go....

I think sometimes I take other people's problems on to much...It's hard enough crying about my own problems let alone others.

Today we had a birthday in my classroom, ha. I guess it can't be that much special when the student doesn't know it's his birthday, but I enjoyed the cupcakes from the mom...maybe I enjoyed them to much....ha. It was so cute though cos I took the bottom of my cupcake and made a sandwich with the icing on the bottom. And my lowest boy watched me intensely and copied me, it was adorable.

Okay, well I should go finish reading the longest research article in the world...I may or may not be kidding about that you know.

finished

well my summer is finished. How was my summer you ask? Well I cried almost every day this month, does that paint a picture for you? yep. I'm just real sick of everything and almost everyone. I feel like the some of my people in my life who I have high importance for and would and do do anything for, could care less and treat me like the shit on the bottom of their shoe... it's just so hurtful I'm having issues dealing with it, a lot of issues...like why is everyone else's feelings and problems so much more important than mine?

Isn't it amazing how things will just started falling into place and start becoming good, that then everything that could go wrong, kinda does...yep

it only takes one word

One word answers only…

1. Cellphone: text
2. Relationship: complicated
3. My hair: up
4. Work: happy
5. My sisters: dead
6. My favorite thing: love
7. My dream last night: none
8. Favorite drink: tea
9. Dream car: cheap
10. The room I’m in : living-room
11. My shoes: smelly :)
12. My fears: overcome
13. What do I want to be in 10 years: mom
14. Who did I hang out with this weekend: king
15. What are you not good at: persevering
16. Muffin: poppy
17. One of my wish list items: mac
18. Where I grew up: PA
19. Last thing I did: drink
20. Wearing: pjs
21. Not wearing: socks
22. Your pets: dwight
23. Your computer: slow
24. Your life: steady
25. Your mood: confused
26. Missing: hugs
27. What am I thinking about right now? family
28. My car: dieing
29. My kitchen: empty
30. My summer: over
31. Favorite color: cerulean
32. Last time I laughed: church
33. Last time I cried: today
34. School: yay!
35. Love: somewhere

crisis

I feel like I'm having a crisis in my life, but I can't seem to nail it down. I just feel so very unmotivated.... I should be working on school assignments, but my mind just won't stop running and running. One day I'll be cool calm collected and chic. one day... I really want to go buy some flowers, I feel like that might make everything better...crazy I know.

there's no voicemail, nobody called

eh, so moving is stressful with other people, and brings out the beast in me....just being honest. So it's been a good weekend, not very productive but very good.

Thursday had some yummy P.F. Chang's with Ashley. Good time, duh! I think we got the exact same waiter we always get...he does have a good first letter for his name though :)

Friday, I loafed around the house...well washed some rugs. Then went to dinner and a movie. Dinner was awesome because we went to Smokey Bones. Movie...well we saw Inception, which was really good. The company I went with not so much. I hate when people complain all the time...but this person does it every time I go out with them, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised just annoying.

Yesterday I had class all day...it was long, very long. But after I took a tiny load to the new apartment and checked it out and such. I wanted to do more but it was 110 degrees out yesterday and I didn't want to die...just me. Then I meet Dana at The Skinny Dip. OH MY GOSH I AM IN LOVE. It's so stinkin' good. basically you can pick from 10 frozen yogurt flavors and then any topping you can dream of. Yes, I think I found a new love <3


Today is Sunday. Teaching Sunday School in a hour, ha, weird to say. Then church. Then I need to run to the grocery store for work and then I'd like to think I'll move more stuff but really I need to do some school work.

So there's the run down. not much but some fun going on.

fridge

So if you've been to my house in the past 3 or 4 months you know our fridge light has been out. I think 10 different people have told me my fridge was broken...So yesterday I did something that was a long time coming, I bought a light bulb. Now it's so weird every time I open and the see light I pause for a mental, what the heck, moment. I was just so used to it always being dark inside. I kinda think that's how it is in my life, I get used to the dark times of being negative, mad at God, or feeling lazy in my faith. Glad to know my light God will still be there when I open my door of communication to him.

So I have class in 2 hours...I so do not want to go. My bedroom is seriously a mess from the start of cleaning and trying on random clothes that are on the edge of being tossed in the thrift store pile.

I feel like I've been constantly walking around like I forgot something. I have no idea what this thing is, just how I feel. I think with the moving and everything, I know I have a ton to do, so I guess that's just all in the back of my head. I hope the move itself goes well, and lots of friends come to help :)

Lately, I've been day dreaming about moving to Canada. Random I know, Canada has just been on my mind lately I suppose. Well I should go do a tad bit of work before I go pick up SK.

summer love and the livin' is easy

Well, I should be doing lesson plans right now, but I'm not cos I'm a bum some days. It has been a long month of June. ha. School is finally over. My mom and Michael came to visit for the week. Tara and Gwen came to visit for the weekend. While it has been an amazing week, it has been so tiring.

I have so much junk to do, and so little time...well as of now. I wanted to go to bed @ 11, I have 10 minutes to accomplish that. Not going to happen.

Nothing like having to work with the one and only person you always said you didn't want to work with...seriously. Is this my life right now? Because it seems like some big joke...

summer days....

Wow I'm jealous of everyone who have already started their summer. lucky...So life has been busy and stressful indeed. Just getting everything around for the end of the school year, dealing w/ the crazy behaviors that happen at the end of the year. Dealing with moving and packing, and organizing every thought that goes with 3 people moving in together. And grad school, wondering why I didn't check my orientation class earlier and realize it had to be finished before I start my class today and then worrying about paying for school, ugh. Then just worrying about me and my stuff. So those things have been swirling around in my head constantly....so I am for sure ready the welcome the summer in.

So my birthday came and went, and it really was a lovely birthday :) Got to see to see the people who I love and who love me best. :) It was fun I've had company nonstop for almost 2 and 1/2 weeks, which was fun while it lasted. But now I'm excited to go sit on my porch and read a silly little novel, to bad I really need to go read a text book...ha. such is life. Well e a I have a long list for the day, so I'll be off. :)

Tuesday or also known as 4 days till my birthday

So I'm not going to lie today at school it was a terrible horrible no good day! I just felt so drained that when the kids left I sat at my desk and cried a little.ha. I haven't done that in over a year, so I guess it was time. I think everyone is just ready for summer and I'm no exception to that. Just one of those days I wanted to go home and be productive and not be productive at work. :) Not every day can be a good day I suppose.

So I was very productive I checked online @ all the grocery store fliers and decided the thriftiest one to shop at this week, made a list, and then went shopping. Sad that my "treat" to myself was some cheddar beef hot dogs, ha. It's the simple things in life. I cooked some peas and 2 beef cheddar hot dogs and had probaly the best and laziest dinner ever! I was going to finish it off with some stove popped popcorn and tea. But sadly, I only have like 20 kernels left, sadly not enough to really pop and enjoy. But instead I had a yummy fudge bar. :) just as good I'd say and once my show is started I will make some yummy tea.

Well that was my day, I ate dinner and day dreamed about wearing an apron all day and cooking and making crafts...ha, maybe one day. My family and best friends are coming to visit me soon for my birthday, which will be just lovely. Yesterday I attacked my kitchen, sweeping every hidden nook and bleaching all the counters. Sadly, ruining one of my favorite shirts, I always forget bleach ruins clothes... Tomorrow I shall mop, vacuum, and rest. Okay, time to make some tea and watch some tv :) praying hard tomorrow will be a beautiful day :)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord

is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:4-7

choclate rain.

So, it's been a pretty stressful time lately... just lots of things going on and I wish I could fast forward and be done with it. Some really good things are happening but it seems I can't even bring myself to truly enjoy them...ugh, some days I don't know what is wrong with me... But I did find out something amazing today, which makes me happy and proud.

So this Wednesday I'm going to go do something I never in a million years thought I would do!! gasp! It's to racy for this blog though :)

Okay life move over...here I come. Wow, I just realized there's only 12 more days until my birthday!! <3

I wish mosquitos suck fat, not blood...

cos I have a mosquito bite! :0)

Wow, I can't believe it's Mother's Day again! Just seem like last year it was Mother's Day and I was at Ashley's house teasing her hair out to look like Diana Ross. oh the memories.

It's completely true time goes by so fast after you graduate college....speaking of college. I guess I got into grad school, ha. I only knew because the college computer tech people sent me an e-mail telling me how to set up my school e-mail account.

So, even though I am completely unmotivated....I should start looking at a class to take I guess.
So I have an IEP to write, which is why I'm blogging because you know I like to waste time when I have things to do...which is why grad school scares me!! oh well, might as well do it and get it over with, so I can get paid some more green.

ok, I guess I will get ready to do some work for real. peace and beans:0)

Walking in a winter wonder land

I don't know why but I keep thinking about Christmas. It's just such a nice peaceful time you know. Today was kinda a rough day at school and encouraging at the same time. God never ceases to amaze ma, in how much he shows me and lets me grow each day. Can I just say how thankful I am for the lovely spring weather!

 

So else has been going on you ask? Well last Saturday my best buddy and I went to Washington D.C. We went to the museum of American History, which is always a fun time! I love history, just something cool about knowing where you came from and how far we have all come. There's just something really encouraging about that. And it was a lovely short weekend with SK

So last week I was a lazy bum who did nothing….this week is seeming to shape out the same way, ha. Guess there's always next week right?

Every since I've been home from spring break Dwight has been following me around like a sick puppy…. Everywhere I go. Right now he is sitting on my desk watching me type this, silly cat. Who would have thought I'd ever give a cat my heart…not me.

This weekend should be a fun and busy one, with SK gracing me with her presence again J Playing some BUNCO for the first time Saturday night, which should be interesting. Some of Dana's friends are playing, and Sarah, and hopefully dearest Ashley will come too.

Okay, well I guess I should go focus the rest of my attention on House, showering, and then on sleeping possibly. Okay much love to everyone, which is really just Sarah and Jonnie.

You're so gay and you don't even like boys!

Jennifer Knapp is gay! I kinda like it... I mean people put "Christian' artists on pedestals all they time. Well, hello people, they are human and sin too! :0)
I'm still excited for her new CD and someone should buy me Sandra McCrackin's new CD, while we're on it. ha.

So, I have done nothing productive the past 3 days, but that's how I always am after breaks...must be some sickness I can blame this on...lupus?

I wish I could go leaps and bounds...but the reality is that I just can't...


Lots to worry about, but it's not Wednesday yet

easy on the grass

There's only 55 days left of school?!?! When the heck did this happen? sheesh. I feel like I just graduated college...Where has time gone.


So I have to write an IEP tonight...if it's anything like the last one I'll wait 11 to start...ha. Sometimes I'm so insanely ridiculous.... why I waste so much time and find doing silly little things worth my time is beyond me.

I had a nice weekend which ended with me making a huge investment, that I never thought I'd make. But it'll be worth it in the end. ha :)

I'm really excited for spring break, one week of business but at least it won't be school stuff.

It's funny and amazing how God takes even our silliest little worries or in securities and makes us feel better. Like I know this is random but seriously Monday and Tuesday I've been noticing when I smile my gums stick out and I feel like a big dweeb. I don't know why I just noticed or why it started bugging me. Then Wednesday came. Then a new friend had these nice words to say, "Well, I don't think I've meet you before. But I know I've seen you, well at least your beautiful smile. You have one of the best smiles ever." Considering this was the first time I meet this person and they didn't know my current silly thoughts, this was all God. It just reminds me how God doesn't take care of just our big huge life changing decisions, he takes care of even our littlest worries. Because he is amazing and all powerful!

I've really been trying to push myself lately to be all I can be. No I'm not joining or advertising for the army. Sometimes I know I'm just so complacent and well lazy. Yeah my life is good, but it could be great if I put in more effort. So I've been thinking about what is something I would never ever ever do in my whole entire life. Well, it may be silly, but I've thought it. And I've been praying that one day I'll do it, enjoy it, and do it some more. :)

Okay, well I must get ready for TNL. We're almost done with 1 Corinthians. Speaking of almost being done. I'm also almost done with my VAAPs for work, which has been a huge blessing and weight lifted off my shoulders. God definintly is good, very very good.

I like big...

So another weekend come and almost gone :( Ha. Is it sad that when I hang out with someone people that I spend some of that time just wishing it was someone else. Maybe somewhat evil, but just true, I just miss the people I love all the time.

So this will be an amazingly busy week. CBI's every day, Krispy Kreme's Thursday. Meetings and pushing the VAAPs more and more. Ugh, I will be the happiest person ever when March is over. For the record that is a fact.

love baby love

Happy Valentine's Day suckers! I had a lovely Valentine's Day with two people I love to death!! It was just what I needed to help push away the winter blues. Which keep sneaking back up on me :/ I got to go whale watching, which was on my list! :) we had a fun fun time indeed.

So what else is new? hmm, not much. I had to miss work on Friday which has made me feel crazy! I kinda got far behind on doing a project for work and it makes me nervous. I know I can do it but for some reason I'm just slacking on starting and completing it.

Lately, I've been kinda feeling that I give a lot to other people and they could care less about me. It makes me really sad, not going to lie. Just feel like I'd give up everything for some people and they could care less about me or my feelings. Just saying.

Well I really need to get started on my project. Gotta go Gotta go Gotta go Right now.

Oh, Lent starts Wednesday! I'm thinking of giving up fast food for 40 days. I hope I can do it!!

snowy days

so it snowed like 9-10 inches on Saturday. And today is Tuesday and we still don't have school! ha. Kinda crazy.... but I did get a lot done and cleaned up a bit. Today I'm being a dreamer. The things on my list (that I seriously sat down and wrote last night!)" Shower, breakfast, thrift store, gym, grocery shopping, gas, post office, bank, dishes, put together new bed, go through and get rid of clothes, NCIS, Biggest Loser, Pay Cox bill. That's my list. Already showered so that's one thing to cross off! Now for breakfast, ha, wow I'm lame and okay with that :)

:)

tonight was an awesome night and I feel really good about it.

the end.

a survey I say

Ten things I'd like to say to certain people. (but don't say their name)

10. I worry about you and think you are making all the wrong choices.
9. I love you so much and would be so lost and crazy without you.
8. When you die I don't think I'll be able to go on....
7. You disgust me times ten, and it's really hard to pretend that I want to be your friend, when I can't stand the person you've become.
6. You make me so proud I could cry!
5. Stop being so lazy! If not you'll miss out on a lot of things in life.
4. I don't hate anyone, but if I did it would be you.
3. I hate being around you, you're toxic, but I can't seem to quit you.
2. You're great and I miss you a ton!
1. I strive to be more like you.



Nine things about myself.

9. Lately my life has been blah like.
8. Honestly, there are somethings I would redo in life.
7. I am very shy.
6. I wish I could keep contact with all the people I think about on a daily basis.
5. I am afraid to be lonely.
4. I am sometimes disgustingly prideful.
3. I don't trust people easily and am always suspect, it probably is from having people in my life who always lied to me.
2. I can't wait until I can live with my best friend.
1. I have amazing family and friends.



Eight ways to win my heart.

8. Be adorable, at least in my eyes
7. Listen to me complain and whine
6. Play with little kids
5. Make me laugh
4. Be respectful
3. Have integrity
2. Be honest
1. Love Jesus



Seven things that cross my mind a lot.

7. music lyrics, bible verses, or quotes. I actually think in these things a lot, but usually don't share.
6. the future
5. loosing weight
4. my lists :)
3. Friends
2. Family
1. God



Six things I do before I fall asleep.

6. set my alarm
5. set the sleep timer on my tv
4. bring Dwight over to me
3. think
2. flip on my belly
1. relax



Five of your favorites.

5. Language: English, I know it best
4. Website: facebook
3. Sports team: eh
2. Fast food restaurant: Chick-fil-a
1. Thing to do: sit and talk to folks or play games



Four things I'm wearing right now.

4. penguin pajama pants
3. Beaver String Quartet t-shirt
2. blue underpants
1. glasses


Three songs that I listen to often.

3. Bad Romance- Lady GaGa
2. You Can Do Better- Say Anything
1. The Spirit vs. The Kick Drum- Derek Webb



Two things I want to do before I die

2. travel and enjoy other cultures
1. love the people around me the best I can



One confession

1. I could live my life more, but I like the comfort of not striving for more. So I work on fighting this feeling of comfort everyday...

hello there friend. So I haven't really been up to much. Having a rough day, which just means I need to have more fun this weekend. Wow, my blogs have been super short. Well I'm going to go make some fish and sweet potato. :)

2010

Happy New Year friends and foes! So I didn't make a new years resolution this year, but I inadvertently decided to change and improve a lot of thing in my life... hopefully they'll stick and become a life changing thing who knows. I had an okay 2009, thanks to my lovely family and friends. so thanks guys. Here's to a good 2010!